The drive into work this morning was an inspiring one. Even through the monotony of traffic, smog and cantankerous drivers, there seemed to be a soothing feeling that came over be as I envisioned what my life would be like in the years to come. I’m sure that the nirvana-like feeling had something to do with the emotionally moving lyrics of Lead Me by Sanctus Real (a band that, before yesterday, I had fought to avoid). The way that the song so simply put into words what my purpose is as a man, was enough to spark an hour long session of dreaming, imagining and hitting repeat.
When I graduated high school I can distinctly remember shaking the hand of a school district staff member as I took my diploma. She looked me in the eyes and said, “That’s a very powerful name. I expect to hear great things from you.” Whether or not she said that to everyone walking past her or if I was the only one, is a moot point. The fact is that in those brief moments I felt as though the world had just been opened before me and I was, at that very second, empowered to do whatever it was that I wanted. Moreover, her words were confirmation to the feeling I had had throughout my life growing up. I’ve always known I was different. I’ve always known I was not created to work for somebody else. I’ve always known that somewhere inside me is the desire and ability to build an empire. But… I feel as though I don’t know how to harness it.
Recently (like yesterday recently) I began considering a move to Australia. Why? Not entirely sure, but there is something about it that seems so promising. Maybe it is the solid values it holds as a nation to keep Christ at the center of its government. Maybe it is the way in which God is moving there in ways we can only dream of here in the States. Maybe its the way that the people aren’t being snuffed out by their socialist leaders. Maybe its the way that business is welcome and capitalism is encouraged. Maybe its all of the above. Regardless, I have been romanticizing about it for a solid 30 hours and the desire hasn’t yet dwindled.
I’m coming to a crossroad in my life, I’m beginning to truly understand what it is that life is about. What it is that I need to focus my attention on. Life is finite. I will not live forever. I will one day die. I will eventually stand before the everlasting God and be judged. And in those moments I will be held accountable for the way I chose to lead my life. Was I a good husband? Was I a good father? Did I love my wife the way that Christ loved the church? Did I sacrifice my wants and desires for the betterment of my family? Did I know when to quit? Did I know when to press on? How did I live? I vow to stand before God and be blameless.
I’m only a year or so away from having a child of my own. Another life for whom I will be responsible for. A young soul. A blank canvas. It will be my responsibility to ensure that he or she is brought up in the ways of the Lord. To ensure that they understand beauty. That they understand good and evil and the importance of choosing what is good. I want to make the preparations now so that I can spend as much time as possible with my child. That I don’t miss out on soccer games (or rugby games) and that I am there whenever they need their father. I do not want to be an absent dad. I do not want to make excuses for working too much. I want to be in a place where my life can be dedicated to raising my son or daughter or both (at times I feel as though I will have twins… yikes). I will not accept anything less.
And then I think. It is that attitude that will propel me further than I’ve ever gone before. It is that attitude that will keep me strong when I am weak. Because I am capable to achieve great things and I am driven to be that person, that father and that husband.
So from this point on, I must never look back. I must move forward in fierce vigor as I reach with strong arms for the things that I want. I must keep my eyes set on the goal. I must continue to run even when I’m weary and I must always remember the in-numerous days that I felt so defeated and trapped. I must formulate a plan, a strategy and forge on with no less enthusiasm then that seen in the world’s strongest warriors. I must fight for my life. Because; Life is Finite.
